Funny Status Ideas

I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f'ing Mayans better be right…

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

Turns out company doesn't love misery.

I'm single by choice. Not MY choice, but it's still a choice.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

I don't understand interventions. What's the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?

Nasty bumper sticker: My kid knocked up your honor student.