Funny Status Ideas

All my life I've wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.

Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice!

For all the women who say "All men are the same.": Who told you to try them all?

I don't regret burning bridges. I just wish some people I don't like were on them at the time.

Dear NASA: Your Mom thought I was big enough. -Pluto

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.