Funny Status Ideas

I stopped believing for just a few minutes. Now Journey is all pissed at me.

I was eating my daily apple and a doctor walked right up to me... My whole life has been a lie.

There should be an eject button in my car for people who touch my perfectly positioned vents.

My psychic friend just thanked me for his surprise birthday party. Looks like I'll have to plan one now.

My wife said she needed some "alone time". So I made her a Myspace account.

alarm clocks: because every morning should begin with a heart attack.

That sky looks a lot like the Crayola crayon shade of "Haul your ass to the basement" purple.