Funny Status Ideas

Do magazines really have to add "Alive" to "Sexiest Woman" or "Sexiest Man"?

Dear Fruity Pebbles: Calorie content w/out milk is unnecessary. Anyone shoving dry Fruity Pebbles down their throat isn’t counting calories.

When a cashier told me, “Strip down, facing me.” How was I supposed to know she meant my credit card?

‪Ironically, the mullet was probably created to STOP necks from getting red. ‬

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

I wish I was in a gang. I never know what to do with my hands when taking pictures.

If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck!