Funny Status Ideas

I keep setting my DVR to record "the biggest loser", but it keeps recording Oakland Raider games.

It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.

Facebook is a lot like jail. You sit around and write on walls and get poked by random people.

Those 'said no one ever' jokes are hilarious! Said no one ever.

The length of an essay should be like a woman's mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep it interesting.

Scars are tattoos with better stories.

If a special needs child walks into class late, is it still appropriate to call them "tardy"?