Funny Status Ideas

I just want to be as happy as the characters in any horror movie are during the first half hour of the film.

Maybe muppets have such large, bulging eyes because someone's hand is always up their butt.

Trying a store brand version of Frosted Flakes and just have to say that They're GRRRRRRRRRoss!

Taco Bell is selling fries. Burger King is selling tacos. KFC is putting Cheetos on chicken sandwiches. I knew we shouldn’t have legalized marijuana

Be positive! Don't think of this as the hottest summer in 125 years. Think of it as the coolest summer for the next 125 years!

The nicer the house, the harder to find the kitchen trash can.

‪The Nation Weather Service has just published instructions on how to bake a lasagna in your mailbox. ‬