Funny Status Ideas

It's not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.

Dear middle finger, thank you for sticking up for me.

Every now and then when I'm in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you're listening". If I'm wrong, nobody knows. If I'm right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.

My wife says "camping is a tradition in my family". It was a tradition in everyone's family until we invented houses...

Does anyone know how long you can keep a chicken in the freezer? I put one in last night and it was dead this morning.

I do 5 sit-ups every morning. No, it doesn't sound like much, but there's only so many times you can press the snooze button.

I'm going to change my name on Facebook to "benefits" so that when you add me, it will say, "You are now friends with benefits."