Funny Status Ideas

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I'd just laugh and search with them.

Instead of throwing the first pitch, it'd be fun if Presidents had to quarterback the first play of a football game.

All Asians look the same. They look using their eyes, you racist jerk.

"Always leave them wanting more" is my standard approach to paying bills.

Botox is amazing. You never age, yet you appear completely lifeless.

I desperately need a "hide political posts" button on Facebook so I can still like all my friends after the election year is over.

Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they're telling me that I'm doing a great job driving.