Funny Status Ideas

All Asians look the same. They look using their eyes, you racist jerk.

"Always leave them wanting more" is my standard approach to paying bills.

Botox is amazing. You never age, yet you appear completely lifeless.

I desperately need a "hide political posts" button on Facebook so I can still like all my friends after the election year is over.

Whenever I see hitchhikers, I just pretend they're telling me that I'm doing a great job driving.

Did you hear about the Australian who received a new boomerang for his birthday? He spent a week trying to throw the old one away.

Sometimes, when I'm cleaning my cat's litter box, I like to pretend that I'm just an incredibly unlucky gold panner from the 1800's.