Funny Status Ideas

"Everyday I'm Shuffling" - Casino Dealer

One day I saw this little girl near a volcano, talking to a monkey while dancing...so I called social service's on Dora's mom and dad...

When in the presence of greatness, I am inspired to the heights of my mediocrity.

"I just saw the coolest thing on Pinterest!!" - said no man EVER

I am 25, but, when I am called "sir," I always interpret it as an acknowledgement of British nobility. To which I always respond "Thank you, peasant."

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I'd just laugh and search with them.

Instead of throwing the first pitch, it'd be fun if Presidents had to quarterback the first play of a football game.