Funny Status Ideas

I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 2 minutes.

I've decided I'm not going to have kids. I love babies, but I'm just not ready for the commitment of uploading that many photos to Facebook.

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

My wife always has the last word in any argument. Anything I say after that is considered the start of a new argument.

Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"

When a woman says "We need to talk" what she really means is "You need to listen."

What is the difference between E.T. and a NFL replacement ref? E.T. can make a call.