Funny Status Ideas

People tell me all the time that I worry too much. Well let me tell you, worrying works! 99% of the stuff I worry about never happens!

Did you know that the iPhone 5 can actually help you lose weight? It's true! Simply buy it and you won't be able to afford to eat for a month!

I think unmarked police cars is false advertising.

My mother never saw the irony of calling me a "son of a bitch".

I'm seriously disappointed the debate hasn't touched on the bacon shortage...

When someone yells stop, I don't know if it is in the name of love, it's hammertime, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Look officer, I'm not being a smartass. All I'm sayin' is if you caught me then you were speeding too.