Funny Status Ideas

I feel bad for kids who see a new toy they want but can't have because their parents must be 18 or over to call.

Cancel my subscription. I've had enough of your issues.

My cooking is fabulous, even the smoke alarm is cheering me on!

I refuse to watch any presidential debates until both candidates are hooked up to lie detectors

I don't think that someone who commits a murder suicide is really thinking about the afterlife. How awkward would it be to see the people you just killed after you die?

I'm not saying she's a slut, but she's been pounded more than the I in Pixar.

People left their old iphones for an extra half inch. Hopefully their girlfriends don't do the same.