Funny Status Ideas

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watched an episode of Hoarders. Now I don't feel so bad.

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's Eve? For thou art a douche.

I bet if zebras actually tasted like zebra cakes there wouldn't be any vegetarians.

Me and my recliner go wayyyy back

This Halloween, I think I'll just set out a bit empty bowl that says "take one". That way all the kids will think some jerk took it all.

Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!

There are so many scams on the internet these days, but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them.