Funny Status Ideas

The tag on a curling iron reads "For External Use Only". Now what sick bastard made that necessary?!

The sign in the restroom said "Employees Must Wash Hands". I waited for 10 minutes and no employee came in, so I washed my hands myself and went on back to the table.

That awkward moment when you realize, that adding "that awkward moment when you realize" before a random statement doesn't make you seem any more clever, witty, or profound.

Man, I love Halloween. I can get free candy without going into a van!

I would call my coworkers complete idiots, but that would mean that they have actually completed something.

Sweater weather = the end of my diet.

Facebook is just like my refrigerator. I check it every 10 minutes and yet there's nothing new.