Funny Status Ideas

That awkward moment when you realize, that adding "that awkward moment when you realize" before a random statement doesn't make you seem any more clever, witty, or profound.

Man, I love Halloween. I can get free candy without going into a van!

I would call my coworkers complete idiots, but that would mean that they have actually completed something.

Sweater weather = the end of my diet.

Facebook is just like my refrigerator. I check it every 10 minutes and yet there's nothing new.

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watched an episode of Hoarders. Now I don't feel so bad.

Shall I compare thee to a Summer's Eve? For thou art a douche.