Funny Status Ideas

God put me on this earth to accomplish many goals and tasks. Right now I am so far behind, I am never going to die.

Kanye West would be proud of the amount of times the two candidates interrupted each other.

Just once, I wish WebMD would tell me "relax...it's only gas".

While everyone's been watching the debate, I switched all my neighbors' political yard signs.

Just bought my first pack of toilet paper. Well that's $10 down the toilet...

They're not "Used Cars" anymore, they're "Pre-owned" I suggest "Divorce" be changed to "Pre-Loved."

I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn't follow it up with "you're making a scene."