Funny Status Ideas

Whenever I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and gently whisper "Who did this to you?"

I'd rather be a smart ass who knows it, than a dumb ass who doesn't

Honey Boo Boo is supposedly filming a Halloween special. Thing is, how will you know it when you see it?

168 McDonald's monopoly pieces later, and all I won was heart disease.

"Once you go blаck, you never go back" - Yellow highlighter

If my memory gets any worse I'll be able to plan my own surprise party.

I think fire alarms should use the last of their battery to continue to monitor fire instead of getting all beepy!