Funny Status Ideas

Fart when people hug you. Makes them feel strong.

For the suicidal, procrastination is a survival skill.

I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister.

Random Fact of the Day: The phrase "the truth shall set you free" does not apply to murder.

If you think your boss is stupid, remember, you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

Sex-ed classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for six straight hours while watching The Wiggles on repeat.

Pavlov’s hair wasn’t always silky. He had to condition it.