Funny Status Ideas

When I die, I want catnip to be planted over my grave. Then, all the stray cemetery cats will flock to my grave and rub all over it, and people will think I was some kind of cat god.

It's days like today that remind me why they denied me that concealed carry permit.

Technically, I never really lost my mind. It just got scared and ran away.

Why do anti-depressants carry the warning "May increase thoughts of suicide."?

How's everyone holding up? It's crazy out there. I've killed like fifteen zombies already. Why are they all carrying candy?

Disney World is a giant people trap operated by a mouse.

Who was the idiot who passed up the chance to call astronomers "skyentists"?