Funny Status Ideas

I watched my first porn movie today. I looked so much younger back then.

I want to the bank and said I'd like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money."

The aftermath of Hurricane Sandy tells me that we are better prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse than a power outage.

"Bitches Get Stitches" is what I'm naming my clinic if I ever become a vet.

French people give me the crepes.

Why do hospitals need to advertise? It's not like I'm going to go to Home Depot instead.

Nowadays kids don't go to High School. They go to school high.