Funny Status Ideas

There is no reason to tailgate someone in the slow lane, especially when I'm going 35 over the speed limit. Those flashing lights on the top of your car look ridiculous too.

I try to pay attention but my checks usually bounce.

A dyslexic poet writes inverse.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm starting group meetings at my house for people who have OCD, not because I have it, but surely one of them will be bothered enough to clean it.

Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?

I came into this world kicking and screaming and covered in someone else's blood and I have no problem with going out the same way.