Funny Status Ideas

They say after a plane crash they can identify you by your dental records. What I'm wondering is how they know who your dentist is.

Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they're stabbing it? No? How about now?

Today I realized that Mario is definitely homeless. He wakes up every day wearing the same clothes, runs around in sewers, beats up people for their money, and what does he spend it on? Mushrooms.

My elf on the shelf went pee on the tree.

Can you buy an entire chess set at a pawn shop?

If I ever write a suicide note, I’m going to start it off with “As of today, I am officially announcing my resignation…”

In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare that pressing alt+F4 will magically make all this go away.