Funny Status Ideas

Today I realized that Mario is definitely homeless. He wakes up every day wearing the same clothes, runs around in sewers, beats up people for their money, and what does he spend it on? Mushrooms.

My elf on the shelf went pee on the tree.

Can you buy an entire chess set at a pawn shop?

If I ever write a suicide note, I’m going to start it off with “As of today, I am officially announcing my resignation…”

In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare that pressing alt+F4 will magically make all this go away.

I wish the Mayans predicted the end of the world to be before finals week.

If UGGs made bras, would they be called jugs?