Funny Status Ideas

I'm going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837.

I always hold the door open for ladies, but they never want to get in the van...

Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.

Gambling addiction hotlines would be so much more effective if every 10th caller was a winner.

Did Bruno Mars catch that grenade? Haven't heard from him in a while...

Stalking is where two people go on a long, romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.

If you think you aren't creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.