Funny Status Ideas

Why do you play hard to get if you're already hard to want..

Just used Craigslist for my Christmas shopping. Good news; Everyone's getting used couches!

Zombies hate fast food.

That's it. I'm suing Santa Claus for defamation of character. Can't call me a ho 3 times and get away with it

They say you've got to spend money to make money. Feel like there's some middle step I've been missing?

I look so peaceful when my kids are sleeping.

Not rewinding VHS films after watching the naked scenes was the original not clearing your browser history.