Funny Status Ideas

The highest state of defense readiness in the US is DEFCON 1. More commonly known by women as: "I'm fine."

My room is as clean as the 5 dollar movie been at Walmart.

Experience is a cruel teacher. It gives a test before presenting the lesson.

Research shows that, when someone shouts "Oh no he didn't!", he in fact did.

You can drown in two inches of water. I’m not reciting facts, I’m making suggestions.

I'm going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837.

I always hold the door open for ladies, but they never want to get in the van...