Funny Status Ideas

Zombies hate fast food.

That's it. I'm suing Santa Claus for defamation of character. Can't call me a ho 3 times and get away with it

They say you've got to spend money to make money. Feel like there's some middle step I've been missing?

I look so peaceful when my kids are sleeping.

Not rewinding VHS films after watching the naked scenes was the original not clearing your browser history.

To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks... I'm in public

Are people really going to take this Mayan end of the world thing serious?! They couldn’t predict the Spanish coming, how could they predict the end of the world?