Funny Status Ideas

Maybe the Mayan world-ending prediction in 2012 was more of a suggestion

I knew I was going bald when it took longer and longer to wash my face.

You don't truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.

Hurricane Dorian is that friend that says they’re 5 minutes away when they are still laying in bed and haven’t even showered or gotten dress yet.

It's been 6 months since I joined a gym and still no progress. I'm going there in person tomorrow to find out what's really going on.

If you evacuate, you better take that salt life sticker off your truck...

The SPCA needs to open a bar. I know a ton of guys that bring home dogs from the bar.