Funny Status Ideas

I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

I bought my dog a cell phone today. It was a good deal. He gets free rollover minutes.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Contrary to the BS Folgers has been feeding us for years, the best part of waking up is actually going back to sleep.

The University of Arizona is offering a Minor in Hip-Hop. And if you go on to grad school, you can get your Doctorate in Dre.

I put the sexy in dyslexia.

The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I'm the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don't feel trained for this, and I certainly didn't sign up for the position.