Funny Status Ideas

Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.

Congress is NOT spending money like a bunch of drunk Sailors. Drunk Sailors stop drinking when they run out of money.

You don't know how difficult it is searching for your ex's killer. You spend every single day looking and every night hoping that, one day, just by chance, someone will do it.

I just dropped a horrific fart in the apple store everyone's pissed but it not my fault they don't have windows

Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?

I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

I bought my dog a cell phone today. It was a good deal. He gets free rollover minutes.