Funny Status Ideas

I'm not good in relationships. My last relationship ended when I didn't open the car door for her. Instead I just swam up to the surface.

What is parking like at the Special Olympics?

It's 10 degrees here today. I just keyed someone's car with my nipples.

Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.

Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?

On chilly nights the Amish use acoustic blankets.

Clearly Obama flunked his first term since he's being forced to repeat it again.