Funny Status Ideas

I wish my GPA looked like those gas prices

The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid people are full of confidence.

Sometimes, when I don't want my girlfriend to find something, I put it in her purse.

I must be allergic to peanuts. I break into a rash every payday.

I won the Twister contest hands-down.

I'm not good in relationships. My last relationship ended when I didn't open the car door for her. Instead I just swam up to the surface.

What is parking like at the Special Olympics?