Funny Status Ideas

Darn I just realized I missed the Emmys again which now makes like 10 years in a row.

I'm surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I've dropped and shattered my phone.

You can learn a lot about a person if you just take the time to inject them with Sodium Pentothal.

I totally understand how batteries feel because I’m rarely ever included in things either.

My company is a non-profit, just not on purpose.

I'm here to self deprecate and chew bubble gum, and I forgot to bring bubble gum because I'm the worst.

I spotted six Pokémon today but I don't have the app so I may need new meds...