Funny Status Ideas

We really need to stop with the cute names for devastating storms. Winter Storm Voldemort would be taken much more seriously.

If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.

I don't like to make plans too far in advance because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.

I love how urban dictionary says "look up any word, like bootylicious"

I once worked as a doorman at a swanky hotel. It was an entry level position.

I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but... Oh, hell. Now I'm depressed.

Let's all pause for a moment of silence for all of those people stuck in traffic going to the gym to ride a stationary bicycle.