Funny Status Ideas

I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

There is no room for you in my heart, but there is in the trunk of my car.

I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.

My grandfather fought in World War I and survived mustard gas and pepper spray. You might say he was a seasoned veteran.

I have more conversations in my head than I do in real life.

I just found out I passed my drug test. My dealer has some explaining to do.

Sarcasm is a body’s natural defense against stupid.