Funny Status Ideas

I just lost 20 lbs. on the “I have no steady income” diet!

I am such a pessimist, my blood type is B-negative.

If she has 500 likes and 400 comments in a photo, what's missing? Her clothes. :D

Gotta love that moment when someone holds the door open for you when you're still 20 yards away, forcing you into an awkward jog of gratitude.

No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.

At this point journalism school probably boils down to, "Just say what everyone tweeted."

Whenever I feel intimidated by someone I imagine them drinking out of a hamster water bottle.