Funny Status Ideas

I can hear music coming from my printer at work. I think the paper's jammin' again.

The only math I'm good at is adding insult to injury.

If a telemarketer calls, give the phone to your 3 year-old and tell them it's Santa.

If your hands don’t look like you just delivered a baby after eating ribs, you just didn't eat them right.

If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. That way you'll get applause every 3 or 4 minutes.

If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.

I don't think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.