Funny Status Ideas

I just turned my keyboard upside down and shook it over my desk and now I don't have to go grocery shopping for at least two weeks.

Purr = happy cat noise Gato = Spanish for cat Purgatory = infinite realm of happy Spanish cats

I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.

My wife and I laugh at how competitive we are at things, but I laugh more.

I love how Vine lets me record 6-second videos. It’s perfect for making sex tapes.

Vodka mixes well with everything...except decisions.

Ford F-150 commercials make it seem as if hauling loads of crumbled boulders over mountainous terrain is a commonly-practiced thing.