Funny Status Ideas

I'm going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don't understand the meaning of Final.

A lot of things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.

Elementary school: "Okay so here's the basics of history." High school: "That's not right. Every thing is waaay more complicated." College: "EVERY THING YOU KNOW IS WRONG!!" History channel: "Aliens"

They should give the girls who don't get a rose on The Bachelor a cat.

I always thought it made more sense to pour Gatorade on the losing coach.

Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.

Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes.