Funny Status Ideas

If you're ever held at gun point, just remember, I'm behind you 100%.

You can't call it a credit score if I can't win.

Alanis Morissette sings about having 10,000 spoons when all she needs is a knife. Nobody asks why she has 10,000 spoons?

My gambling addiction sponsor says he's going to stay with me through the whole program. I have the over/under at 9 weeks.

The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.

I'm going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don't understand the meaning of Final.

A lot of things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.