Funny Status Ideas

For every photo a girl posts of herself, there are 27 others in the exact same pose that weren't quite good enough.

I get as much action as a white crayon.

Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That's why I think of jogging every morning.

Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.

If my job was to browse the internet and play on my phone, I don't know what I'd do to slack off, but I'm sure I'd find something.

Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she's overdue?

The surest way to laugh harder is to try and explain why you're laughing in the first place.