Funny Status Ideas

Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.

I don't trust joggers. They're the ones that always find dead bodies. I'm no detective. I'm just sayin'.

My roommate complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.

I'm pretty sure that if I'm shot through the heart and you're to blame, whether or not you give love a bad name is low on my list of priorities

Does everyone have that one dumb ass that finds you on Facebook and will not give up? Repeated friend requests, inbox messages, and follows my pages. It is driving me nuts. I understand at some point I will have to give in, but just because I'm married to him it doesn't mean I have to like him, right?

Nothing says "My life isn't going exactly as I planned" quite like being at Wal-Mart at 1am.

I'm at an age where when I see a guy with a hot body and I think, "Man, I just want to place a sleeping infant in those arms and go take a nap."