Funny Status Ideas

Why do people say “nice to meet you” before I’ve even said anything? How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m a jerk.

Most days I feel like three kids stacked up on each other’s shoulders, covered by a huge coat, trying to pass as one of all these grown-ups.

People in movies act like they've never seen a movie.

OK, I'm not an advertising specialist but seriously McDonald's, what the hell were you thinking?!? Somebody asked me the other day if I'd tried a McDonald's McWrap. I said "Why would I eat something called McCrap?!?"

Got hammered last night but still had the good sense to take a cab home. The problem now is how am I going to return it without getting into trouble...

The only difference between Mcdonald's and my work is Mcdonald's has only got one clown running the show..

Just saw a doctor eating an apple. My whole life is a lie.