Funny Status Ideas

The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.

It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.

If you see a hot 16-year-old with a baby, does that mean she is a MILF or Jailbait?

So far the only thing I've attracted with these edible undies is ants.

If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.

I was going to start jogging today, but then I remembered that I own a car.

Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I've ever played.