Funny Status Ideas

People in movies act like they've never seen a movie.

OK, I'm not an advertising specialist but seriously McDonald's, what the hell were you thinking?!? Somebody asked me the other day if I'd tried a McDonald's McWrap. I said "Why would I eat something called McCrap?!?"

Got hammered last night but still had the good sense to take a cab home. The problem now is how am I going to return it without getting into trouble...

The only difference between Mcdonald's and my work is Mcdonald's has only got one clown running the show..

Just saw a doctor eating an apple. My whole life is a lie.

When one door closes, another one opens; that's the main reason I'm convinced my house is haunted.

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll have a new excuse to avoid his wife.