Funny Status Ideas

I hate how funerals are always at like 9 or 10 AM. I'm not a mourning person.

Nothing like someone posting a 7th grade photo of you on Facebook to bruise your ego.

The worst part of owning an invisibility cloak is trying to remember where you hung it up.

Just saw the coolest magic trick at Qdoba! This guy turned 30 cents worth of rice and beans into $7.50

Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics.

Justin Bieber has a monkey? Don't worry, he isn't turning into Michael Jackson, for one thing he already looks like a white female.

Going to a funeral of a very dear old woman. She was known as a great lover of animals owning a variety of parrots, cats, dogs, pigs, cows and horses. She was even an expert on varies types of Arachnids. Sigh. If only she didn't swallow that fly.