Funny Status Ideas

If vampires can't see themselves in mirrors, how do they trim those perfect goatees?

Being in the Friend Zone is like an employer turning you down for a job, then calling regularly, bitching about the person they hired.

I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit

Every time I hear Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher," I can't help but hope he wasn't home schooled.

I can't go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.

I hate how funerals are always at like 9 or 10 AM. I'm not a mourning person.

Nothing like someone posting a 7th grade photo of you on Facebook to bruise your ego.