Funny Status Ideas

1% of battery life remaining? Challenge accep

One of my many excellent qualities is how humble I am

I never hear from most of my High School classmates unless their email account gets hacked.

I want to start a band called "Day Job" so that when we play and people say "don't quit your day job" I'll be like "thanks we practice a lot".

I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything

It's funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my evenings in the front yard treating it with weed killer.

I've just been accused of being 'a plagiarist'! Their words, not mine.