Funny Status Ideas

Watching Netflix before going to bed is the adult equivalent of being read a bedtime story.

If you like the idea of social media but don't want to actually communicate with people, try LinkedIn.

Baking soda seems like a scam. "Be sure to keep this box of magic white powder in the back of your refrigerator."

A cop in Texas pulled over a gas tanker that was secretly carrying 2 tons of marijuana. How stupid! You can make way more money selling gas!

I have heard that you should dress for the job you want, not the job you have. I'd rather not have a job. So I went to the office barefoot in boxers and a t-shirt today. It worked!

How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?

I love using my GPS, problem is I can't find it.