Funny Status Ideas

If you have 12 followers on Instagram, you’re unpopular. If you have 12 followers in real life, you’re the messiah.

To my wife: We're not getting older. We're getting more interesting to medical professionals.

‪I was drinking at a bar then I took a bus home. That doesn’t seems very odd to you but I’ve never driven a bus before ‬

‪instead of a condom, carry a moist towelette in your wallet. You run into chicken wings a lot more offer than sex. ‬

‪If you’re arguing loudly on your cell in public, please put it on speaker. I need to hear both side of the story. ‬

‪Allow your children to believe in Santa Claus. You believe in essential oils and no one is ruining the magic for you .

Why is no one ever the right amount of whelmed?