Funny Status Ideas

Got my night planned. Taking the DirecTV remote outside, change the neighbor's channel to purchase porn, and watch him scramble to stop it.

Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.

I don't get why people find drunk texts so annoying. You're the person they're thinking about, even when their brain can't function properly.

I'm not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.

Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!

I'm not scared of rehab. 90 days in sweatpants, drinking coffee and talking about me all day sounds fantastic.

Police in Florida arrested a man who stole a truck carrying $75,000 worth of Campbell’s Soup. Now he’s going away for mmm, mmm, good.