Funny Status Ideas

I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself

If we took all the guns out of video games, Oregon Trail would just be about some poor family dying of dysentery while their oxen drown.

Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.

When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.

My wife said she bought the lingerie for me, but then got upset when I put it on... I don't get women.

Watching Netflix before going to bed is the adult equivalent of being read a bedtime story.

If you like the idea of social media but don't want to actually communicate with people, try LinkedIn.