Funny Status Ideas

Why is it called lukewarm? Why isn’t it just medium warm? Who the heck is luke?

I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.

I want an auctioneer to read my eulogy.

Why is it that the people that "tell it like it is" are always the people you never want hear anything from?

I wish running felt great during and terrible after instead of the reverse, because I seem to be better about doing things in vodka order.

Not to brag but I didn't need to be rich and famous to have ego problems and make terrible personal decisions.

If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return Mondays.