Funny Status Ideas

Before I could even offer a plea bargain, the judge pronounced us man and wife.

Why to vegans eat things like tofu burgers? "Oh, I'm morally opposed to meat but I like to pretend that I'm not."

Yeah you nailed the audition but some other chick nailed the director so better luck next time.

I want my casket to have a crank on it that plays the jack-in-box music.

Shouldn't diet pills be called "Girth Control?"

A blind Indian girl wanted me to touch her clothes to see how soft they were. I felt sari for her.

How do I tell someone that they have nice skin without sounding like I want to wear it?