Funny Status Ideas

My strategy is "accidentally" rolling the dice into my opponent's armies when the jerk fortifies Australia in Risk.

Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you're not hungry.

I went for a 6 mile run tonight. The police are getting in much better shape these days

Hey, I said I'd be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.

I don't know how to sugarcoat this, but...you have diabetes.

Asking your stay-at-home wife what exactly she did all day is a fun way to bleed.

Marriage: I love you so much, I want a legal document to destroy you if you ever leave.